Friday, January 05, 2007


I very rarely go out shopping anymore for anything fun, but thanks to post-Christmas sales, I've just spent a mere $25 on $50 worth of random, stupid rubbish that you're going to see whether you like it or not.


It's a shame I didn't discover these a couple of months ago, or they would have generated a thoroughly amusing entry to the Halloween page. Even though these guys are just wearing costumes, they're easily the darkest, most horrific official Smurfs the world has ever seen. They are also available as a werewolf, vampire, ghost, and Frankenstein's monster.


You would probably expect my favorite Spongebob character to be the pessimistic mollusk or the maniacal copepod, but much as I like Squidward and Plankton, there's something about greedy old Mr. Krabs that I just find incredibly likable. Maybe it's the pirate voice, the fact that he's a complete and utter asshole, or just those super-cool biologically accurate eyestalks, but sooner or later I needed to own something with his likeness on it and it's only fitting that it wound up something on clearance.


Also from Wal-mart, this snail is about four inches long and probably the best life-like toy snail you could ever hope to find, with a flexible rubber body and rock-hard plastic shell. At only 88 cents, you won't even get a better deal from Dollar General.


You know, I remember when parents would protest Mcfarlane toys for being too "violent", too "occult", or too "sexual"...and THAT was when he was still making them for children. Like him or not, Todd pioneered the marketing of life-like toys to losers who shouldn't be buying them, and it's amazing how society itself has changed because of one weirdo with a toy company. A decade ago, you could never possibly sell an "action figure" of a giant spider consuming an S&M slave in a public place, but lo and behold, you can buy one today off the same shelf as Kermit the Frog, Homer Simpson and Chewbacca.


It's always nice to see anything other than Pikachu being pimped out by Gamefreak, and here we have two Pokemon that very few children would even be interested in: the gruesome "Duskull" and the poisonous "Tentacool". Now if only they made larger stuffed toys of their evolved forms - Dusclops and Tentacruel.


It's about damn time someone made a realistic figure of this world-famous literary character, and the apocalyptic alien god looks just as pestilent and malformed as Lovecraft described. Unfortunately, he's stuck in a perpetual crouching position. Would it have killed them to make his legs bendable? I'd want to stand him up and bend his head back so people can see his great mouth. LOOK:

Isn't that a great mouth!? And the other suckery thing is his foot. They gave him really nice feet.

And that is my post-holiday clearance rack buying spree for the year.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I get a WalMart rubber snail like the lifelike one here? Some top pets!

1:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I get a WalMart rubber snail like the lifelike one here?
please contact me if you have a few extra!!!!

3:31 PM  

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